


Oblivion

by Themaidsdiaries



Category: Chernobyl (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Charkov, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, KGB, Shcherbina might be jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-04-23 05:32:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19144549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Themaidsdiaries/pseuds/Themaidsdiaries
Summary: Some additions do episodes 3 and 4, canon divergent from chapter 4 on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's strange to ship real people, believe me I know that, but what can I do? This piece of work is not to offend anybody. Legasov was a real person, but Khomyuk was not. Anyway... english is not my first language and it's been a long while since I tried to write a fanfic so forgive my typos and any grammar mistakes.
> 
> I might write a bit more, tell me what you think.

It all started with a simple phrase "I need her!". He did needed her, the work she was doing was of crucial importance in uncovering the causes of the disaster. She was intelligent, someone with whom he could discuss security measures, which understood as much about the reactor as he did, maybe even more. 

Yes, he needed her for the task at hand, but even so the phrase sounded strange in his own ears. He was restless and worried. They were friends. They were colleagues by profession and the KGB used some methods that... And she was a woman, it was worrying. Everything made sense. 

Boris stared at him with a raised eyebrow, as if surprised, but not shocked.

"Well, that was surprisingly well. You can off like naïve idiot. And naïve idiots are not a threat". Shcherbina said before simply walk away and leave Legasov with his thoughts.

\---

He felt relieved seeing her sitting in the poorly lit cell, but well. One less matter to deal with, he had managed to free her. Suddenly he was opening up to her, revealing his tiredness, talking about the immense desire to give up, to simply drop all that situation and return to normal life. 

At that moment, as equals they were both tired and defeated. The hopelessness of finding the truth and solving the situation was enormous and only increased when he told her that Akimov and Toptunov were unconscious. He saw the look of defeat on her face, even for a brief moment. 

"Khomyuk!" The guard called. 

When she came back he saw she had changed into her own clothes and in her arms she was carrying her purse and a bag with hospital clothes.

They came out of the prison together, walking side by side as they had stayed that last an hour while all the bureaucracy for her release was prepared.

The horrors of the suppositions surrounded them in a threatening way and them both felt exhausted. Looking at her Valery could not find the huge strongness he had seen in her before and Ulana walked beside him faded as a shadow.

They entered the car in silence, her things falling on the floor of the car with a muffled sound. He watched her as she leaned against the car seat and closed her eyes as his hands automatically reached into the pocket of his jacket for the pack of cigarette and the lighter.

“I’m taking you back to the hotel.”

“Guess there’s nothing I can do in the hospital since Akimov and Toptunov are no long awake.”

“Are you hungry?” He also said before putting the cigarette back to his lips.

She opened her eyes and stared back at him, then nodded.

“Yes and thirsty.”

\---

“There are moments I wish I could forget all this.” He later confessed, when they both ate sandwiches and drank vodka sitting on the floor of the hotel room she had been occupying in those last few days. In front of them the television was showing the evening news. “Everytime I get out of there seems like I'm living on a nightmare. It’s strange to see so many people on the street, children playing, oldies with their grocery bags…” His voice came out in a low, husky tone, as if they could be heard. "How can they keep on living so unrelated to so much danger, pain, and destruction?"

“They don’t know what is happening and those who knows don’t understand. Do you ever think about anything else?”

“No. You?”

“No.”

\---

He did not know how they'd gotten in that situation, but it certainly had a lot to do with the vodka. The bottle had little more than two fingers left when they rose from the floor. He would leave, she would go to sleep and go back to the hospital in the morning, but in that one meter between where they were sat and the door they somehow intertwined in a hug and began to exchange mismatched kisses. Their glasses were beating, he'd almost stepped on her bare foot and his coat limited his movements, then they stopped and exchanged little smiles. 

He was sure the moment had passed, but Ulana took off her glasses first and put them on the dresser, she did the same with her watch and then she turned to him and removed his glasses, his watch and finally his coat, leaving it on a chair. He watched her as her fingers worked on his tie and suspenders.

Valery let her sit him on the edge of the bed and she sit on his legs. He let her lead the situation as she wished and felt suddenly privileged that that incredibly strong and determined woman had choose him. Their eyes met and locked in each others as her hands gripped his face. It was not passion, it was not lust, it was not desire. He saw in her eyes the immense need to feel alive and he understood, he felt the same.

Their lips met again in an absolutely natural way. Buttons were opened, pieces of clothing discarded on the floor, all in their time, the relentless pursuit of oblivion had ended, at least momentarily.

They were equals in their pain and similar in strength. Finally they were alive. 

Together, they shared the same breath and held each other like shipwrecks clinging to the hope of rescue. The future was uncertain, but at that moment there was security, there was oblivion, there were two living human beings, breathing, sweating and feeling pleasure. Goodbye pain, goodbye suffering, goodbye death, goodbye destruction.

They kept their faces against each other all the time, eyes closed, lips meeting over and over. Later he would remember her face tense with anticipation, focused on pleasure, her lips moist and open, the redness on her cheeks, the sweat wetting her forehead and especially the way she sighed and moaned low as she held her arms around him as tight as she could. He would remember the way she shivered under him, how subtle it started and the effort he did until she opened her eyes and gasped as the orgasm intensity overwhelmed her.

The second time lasted longer. The third one, in the morning, was rushed before they got into the shower together. Neither of them seemed to want to give up the joy that pleasure had brought, oblivion. Neither of them wanted to stick the bubble and leave that room, break that connection. There were no words between them, not after the first time. They held each other and slept through most of the night like that.

There was between them a unique and natural intimacy that was completely surprising to both of them. Ulana raised her face to face him and his hands gently pulled her close.

“Did you think about anything?” Her lips curved into a small smile as she asked.

“Yes.” He leaned close to her, his lips brushing gently over her ear. “But only about good things.”

“Me too.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Valery watched her as she got ready. As she put the chosen clothes on the bed and sat next to it to stockinh her legs, as she dried her hair, as she looked around the room checking if she had everything she needed with her. He was surprised at how many little rituals she had. 

They stood together at the door of the hotel. They had to go back to their chores, she would go to the hospital, he back to Chernobyl with Shcherbina, who would soon be at his door. In the light of that morning the truth and the solution didn’t seemed so unreachable. They exchanged brief smiles, words were not necessary, they knew, they understood.

“See you soon, Comrade Legasov.”

“Take care, Comrade Khomuyk.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> again, english is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I keep going?

Most of the nights it was the alcohol that helped him sleep, him and all the men who were trapped in that radioactive hell. There were exhaustive days both physically and mentally, and in these he would simply fall into bed still wearing his uniform and die to the world for the hours that followed.

However, there was a third kind of night, nights in neither the alcohol nor the exhaustion were enough to quiet his mind and on those nights Valery allowed himself reach for his memories from Ulana’s hotel room in Moscow. He kept those vivid memories saved in the depths of his memory, hidden in the shadows to keep it from fading. A asset that he avoided to the utmost, and when he did he ended up waking up holding his flaccid cock and his pants dirty.

What a fucking pathetic life.

___

The last thing Valery expected when he entered exhausted in the hotel was to find her sitting at the bar working completely absorbed in work and detached from reality. A real balm for his tired eyes.

It took him a minute, or two, or five to absorb that banal image. The angle on her wrist as she rested her forehead on her hand, her hair slightly messy by the wind from outside, the way she spread the leaves across the counter, the way she gently tapped the tip of the pencil on the paper as she paused to think, her thin ankles and framed by so delicate nylon stockings always crossed and feet swaying several inches off the floor.

Legasov fix his posture, his body hurts a little, too many hours standing, long sitting on bad chairs, too much radiation in his old bones and when he approaches the counter the tiredness is softened by the weakened fragrance of the perfume she put on that morning, her last ritual before putting on her coat, picking up her purse and leaving the room.

Ulana smiled briefly as he leaned against counter. She could see in his eyes the smile that his face was not always able to express.

“Dyatlov talked to me.”

“And?”

“He won’t help. I need to think about my next step so I came here to help you for a few days.”

“Don’t think you’ll like what we are doing here now, but i'm glad you came.”

“Better leave it to the morning.”

“Couldn’t agree more.”

He serves two doses of vodka while he ponders and she picks up her things. He imagine there would be some discomfort at each new reencounter, but despite her usual professional posture, Khomyuk have always a slight suggestive gleam in her eyes. Feeling stupid for still being surprised at the ease between them, he handed one of the glasses to her. Their fingers touched for a brief second, the cups touched very lightly on a silent toast and the two of them drink in one single shot.

As they walk toward the elevator, he buries his hands in the pockets of his pants.

“So… How tired are you?” Valery asks with a tone as suggestive as the gleam in her gaze.

“The usual. Why?” She looks at him out of the corner of her eye, her lips subtly curved at the beginning of a smile.

“I was wondering if you could help me shower.” He shrugged. 

Ulana laughs. “I suppose I could, if you help me get out of this clothes first.”

“Deal.”

They enter in the elevator holding hands.

___

Valery did not expect Shcherbina to pay much attention to him. In fact he did not even realized that some small details changed in his posture when she was there. After so many months practically together all the time it was easy for Boris to notice these subtle almost imperceptible changes.

Late in the evening after an exhausting day the three of them and Tarakanov were sitting in the tent. The three men smoked, but Ulana kept concentrating on the work ahead, making punctuated notes in pencil as he stood there delighted in that sight. He always had that huge temptation to watch her that he could not always contain.

“I wondered if what I saw was just some platonic shit or if you just distracted but then I tried to reach for you in you room for the past couple nights and didn’t found you, so I guess you and Khomuyk are fucking. Am I right?” Shcherbina asked suddenly during their lunch break. They were sitting in the sun like two old dogs trying to warm themselves while they smoked.

Valery looked at his friend, but Boris kept his face facing forward, watching the men work.

“Yes, you are right. We are having intimate relations.”

“You are fucking!” Boris insisted, as if intimate relations sounded like an offense to his ears. “Men fuck, don’t be a pussy.” His tone was sharp, direct, rude.

Say they were fucking was a fucking understatement for what they were doing. Those moments were so much more than plain fuck.

Shcherbina glanced at Valery from the corner of his eyes for a moment, studying the expression on Valery’s face, trying to understand the complexity of the situation. His own face seemed even more serious than usual.

“She's digging in dangerous soil, don't let yourself be buried sooner by it than by this bloody reactor.”

“Ulana is not stupid.” Legasov pointed out after take a drag.

“No she’s not. She’s a stubborn stronge women who can make you do whatever she wants. You the stupid one.” Shcherbina got up. “Besides, you can be naive as fuck sometimes.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bit sad and fluffy and a ton of smut :x Hope you like it.
> 
> (just to remember, english is not my first language so forgive all my typos and grammar mistakes)

Two more days and they would leave Chernobyl, for good, possibly never to return. The reactor was contained and they knew the truth. From then on the path ahead seemed clear and uncertain at the same time. The truth had to be told and not the truth of the party.

Ulana would accept the sacrifice, she herself would tell the truth if that would make the difference, but it wouldn’t. Only Valery could make a difference and the implications would be destructive. She felt uneasy, lying on the bed, and despite the snow accumulating in the street outside the window, she was hot sitting on the bed.

Her mother always told her that one day she would find a man she would like, who would be intellectually equivalent to her and that his presence would be a balm and not an annoyance to her. All the boys seemed foolish in her youth, empty, limited, ignorant. In time she accepted that she might not find someone to share her life with, but there she was, at age 46 she had finally found him, and ironically neither seemed to have much future ahead of them. 

She tried not to think about it, not to reflect on the situation, not try to understand her own feelings. Sometimes ignoring the obvious was easier than dealing with it.

Boris was wrong, her moral conviction would not abandon her at that moment, she might not be the right person to expose the situation to the world, but she would still make a sacrifice by supporting Valery to speak the truth.

Early that afternoon they returned in the same car to the hotel, the three quiet and she could feel the melancholy in Legasov. He did not want to die, she did not want him to die, but they had already given their lives anyway. The important thing was what they would do with the time they still had and after all, if the truth would be hidden, then why had they given their lives? Another Chernobyl could not exist and her personal sacrifice was small in comparison to everything else.

She pushed back the covers, lit the bedside lamp, and rose from the bed. Her fingers found the cold metal from the sink faucet and she turned it. She washed her face and stared at herself in the mirror. There had to be some way out of it. An agreement with the KGB was out of the question, making the party's speech in Vienna was not an option either, would end his credibility when the truth was revealed and recognition was something he deserved. She wiped her face and brushed her hair as the bedroom door briefly opened and closed again.

Ulana listened, not looking away from the mirror. A muffled noise, curses. Things were put on the dresser loudly, one shoe fell on the rug, then the other.

“To hell with our lives.” She said that afternoon.

Looking at him standing the bathroom door looking ten years older it seemed absolutely impossible to send their lives to hell. He was pale, his hair disheveled, his eyes dull and slightly red, exuding a strong odor of cigarettes, vodka and sweat. Still he tried to smile as their eyes met and he wrapped his arms around her, pressing his chest against her back.

“Hm.. you still awake, lucky me.” He buries his nose in her neck and kisses it softly, but he stops when Ulana doesn’t shoe any other reaction than look at him through the Mirror. 

“You are angry with me.”

Angry? Because he stayed at an empty hotel bar drinking and talking to Shcherbina? No, she was not angry at him. She was angry at everything else.

“I’m not angry, I’m just tired, couldn’t sleep.” She tries to smile and touches his arms with her hands, letting her body relax against his.

“I might have something that could help you sleep.” Valery murmurs with his lips against her ear while rubbing maliciously his erection contained his paints against her back. “What do you think?”

“You’re too drunk for this to work how it should.”

“Doubt it, little Valera seems to be always up for you” Ulana suddenly cannot contain a chuckle. He could not flirt subtly to save his life and when he drank vodka it was even worse. “So...” Valery squeezed her a little harder against himself and she shivered as he nibbled on the base of her neck. “Boris invited us to a dinner party in his house during the holidays.”

“Boris invited us?” She frowns

“Yes, he invited us.” He repeats with his mouth on her neck. Ulana has a feeling he's afraid to look up at her. “As a couple.” That was it, she tensed up again.  


“We are not a couple”

“If you say so.” He shrugs and presses her hips against hers so that she feels his erection once more. His right hand touches her over her panties. What lacked subtlety in his words Valery had plenty in this gestures. “We can always tell people we are fuck buddies, comrade Khomyuk.”

“Since when he know about this?” She asks, trying to ignore the electrifying sensation that the touch triggers. He moves his fingers, barely touching her clitoris, but the hot, moist heat takes her and she swallows hard, trying to stay focused.

“August, when we started using bio robots. He went after me in my room and couldn’t find me there. I was in your bed, remember? He kind guessed, I just give him the confirmation. Besides, Charkov must know about it since the hospital, so what?”

There were so many things she wanted to say at that moment, but all absolutely dangerous and undue, all of them escaping her thanks to his hand between her legs. The party knowing that they were sneaking around was one thing, they assumed they were together openly and in public gave a much larger dimension to the situation.

“And I was thinking...” He continues and she feels his cock twitches against her back. It's hot in the bathroom, a heat emanating from both of them. “You could stay in my house for a few days during the holidays if you like. Sasha misses you.”

“I would like that.” Ulana's voice sounds extremely hoarse and when Valery inserts a finger inside her she confesses. “I would like that very much.” 

"Hmmm .." He ruminated as his fingers left her momentarily to curl around the band of her panties.

Ulana gasped as his mouth left the side of her neck and took a long path down her shoulders and shoulder blades, down to the end of her spine over the thin cloth of her nightdress, slightly damp of sweat. Valery's fingers slid down her hips and thighs. A spasm ran through her belly and she felt an intense urge to turn to kiss him, wrap her arms around him and bring him to valley between her legs, but he had other ideas.

On his knees and with his lips against the sensitive part of her body, Valery kissed her, literally. His tongue twirled and reached seemingly impossible spots as his lips pressed hers.

“Oh my...” She hisses out holding herself on the bathroom sink. 

That was good, very good, and he was in no hurry, he held out the moment until he felt her hips thrust toward him and he held her with his hands on her thighs as she shuddered violently as she was overcome by a first orgasm.

Valery smiled with satisfaction as he got up and saw the skin on her face reddened and sweaty, her pupils dilated, her breath catching. Ulana smiled and turned toward him. When their lips met, the kiss was long, desperate, deep. His patience that had ended and he held her as if his life depended on it.

She ripped open the buttons of his shirt and pulled it out of his shoulders, revealing the golden freckles she enjoyed so much. When they finally broke the kiss for air she turned toward the freckles, kissing his shoulders as her hands reached for his pants cupping his herection. He moans loudly.

With a noise his glasses are dropped into the sink and she opens his pants, which fall into a pile around his feet, but before she can do anything else he step back and turns her back to the face the mirror, pressing her belly against the cold sink.

With one thrust he is inside her and they groan in unison.

He who was always gentle seemed to have been possessed by an uncontrollable ancestral desire. And her? Well, she tried to keep her balance in the best possible way as her muscles trembled and her knees lost strength. The pleasure was intense, so intense that it would be able to crack her in two pieces.

Valery keep thrusting into her over and over, fast and hard, one hand on her left breast, the other playing with her clit.

“Oh fuck.” She mutters, letting out a deep sigh as her body swing back and forward. Eyes closed, mouth slightly open and she lets her head lean forward towards the sink, her hair hiding her face.

He continues, the feeling of pleasure growing in both of them intensely. And then she tighten up around him and starts shaking again. Valery holds her in place and accelerates the pace of his thrusts to his limit, she moans all the time as he keep going and the orgasm hits her in intense waves. When she lifts her head and give him a wicked smile it’s enough, he comes hard inside her.

Valery leans over her for a few seconds and they have smiles on their faces as they gasp. He pulls her back until the two of them stand up and rest his chin on her right shoulder. Ulana pushes the fringe of her forehead with trembling fingers.

“That was really good for a drunk man.”

“You inspires me, Ulana.” That makes a grin shows on her face.

“Are you sure we are not a couple?” He suddenly sounds slightly melancholic as he look at her through the mirror. Ulana smile fades a bit and she raises her hand to touch his face, she understood how he felt.

Gently Valery moves her hand from his face to his lips to kiss her palm, she curls up next to him and closes her eyes for a brief instant satisfied with the feeling of comfort. When she opens her eyes again Ulana sees three small words dance in his eyes. He did not need to say them out loud, she knew and hoped he would know she felt the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really appreciate know what are you thinking.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on we will enter canon divergent see waters. Be aware.
> 
> (english is not my first language and I don't have a beta, so forgive all my mistakes)

The three of them leave the hotel in Pripyat together, there is a soldier to take them to the landing field where they were supposed to board the helicopter to Minsk and none of them feels very willing to talk about anything. 

Valery hopes that this will be the last time he’ll ever set a foot in this place and absorbs all the melancholy that the abandoned city represents for the last time. Empty as a ghost town and covered by a dense layer of snow, the sight was heartbreaking in many ways. He'd done his best to try to fix the situation, had given his life to Chernobyl willingly and hoped that perhaps the five years he might still have ahead would be peaceful.

He looked away from the city and turned his attention towards this friends. Both Boris and Ulana were immersed into their own thoughts as the city passed through the window. It would be strange not to spend the days with Shcherbina, he had grown accustomed to the countless hours they spent together at work or just drinking and talking before bed. He would miss the constant companionship, the rave-rages, the hoarse laughter, and the sharp comments. He would miss his friend.

Valery let himself slide a little in the car seat and the leather creaked with his weight change. Ulana turned to him with alert eyes. She smiled briefly and put her hand over his. Their gloved fingers interlocked on the car’s seat car and a huge sense of relief filled his stomach. Perhaps, he pondered, it could work out between them, even with distance, even with radiation.

Despite the melancholy out there he could still choose to live and if he was lucky, who knows, live with her.

\---

All the way from Minsk to Moscow was a white painting. The snow-covered fields, the cities covered by a white blur and despite the freezing cold outside, she felt warmed by her own anxiety. She felt foolish to be anxious, but finally they would have days, days, not hours, alone, for the first time.

In those days the challenge was not to ignore hers feelings for him, was to ignore the fear of the uncertainties of the future. Vienna was approaching, what would he do? What would come next? She wanted to talk to him about it and at the same time she wanted to be selfish and dedicate those days just to them.

The station was crowded with people coming and going everywhere carrying suitcases, boxes or pulling children by the hands and even in that whirl of movement she found him without problems.

Valery smoked leaning against one of the light poles, a hand tucked into the pocket of his heavy coat. He looked relaxed and received her with a quick soft kiss on the lips. Uncertain about what to do, Ulana let herself be direct toward the car by him.

\---

The first thing that Legasov realized was that gradually the natural mess of his apartment was dwindling. Somehow the books stacked on the tables had returned to their places on the shelves and the kitchen utensils were sorted by type into the drawers. Ulana and her rituals. He was amused and could make out all the spots in the apartment that had received her touch as he left the apartment for a few minutes to buy the newspaper, cigarettes and bread.

At the same time the mess seemed to subside he noticed her belongs mixed with his here and there, especially in the bathroom and bedroom. Two toothbrushes instead of one on the sink, a bottle of scented shampoo, a hair brush in the cabinet behind the mirror, the shoes together next to the entrance, jewelry on his dresser.

The simplicity of banality thrilled him, and he always ended with a silly grin as he noted these little details. It was real, they were real. Together.

In those early days new rituals were forming. He would take their glasses off on the bed and place them on the bedside table on the side, which was finally confirmed as the left side, and she would ask them back in the morning with a gesture. She turned the radio on as they entered the kitchen and hums every single music. He cooked while she sat at the kitchen table and watched him with her chin resting on her hand sipping coffee. She washed the dishes methodically, he dried. He read the newspaper, she read his books. Sasha spent much of the day inside Ulana's suitcase nested in her clothes.

Valery was surprised that they slept and woke up without clothes almost every night and lost them in the middle of the afternoon two or three times during the week, despite the cold.

The apartment smelled strongly of lilies, cigarettes, coffee, and sex. That intoxicating mixture that for him could not be more perfect or more appropriate. Alas, on second thought, the apartment never looked more cozy or the bed most inviting before.

They went to the Christmas market the night before and it seemed surreal to be there. Had they really met in Chernobyl? Had they really lived all that? It seemed a distant nightmare as the Christmas lights glowed around them. 

That lazy sunday afternoon they were both sitting on the couch, facing each other, her legs between his, a thick cover over them. Ulana was reading one of the books by Ray Bradburry that she had found in his bookcase and had a mug of coffee. Sasha was nestled in the covers somewhere between the two and he pretended to read as he smoked, but his eyes darted away from the words every moment and turned to her.

The cold winter day light that entered through the curtains made her eyes shine. Her incredibly pale skin had gained a soft flush from the cold last night and her hair was uncontrollably armed, but for him she could not seem more perfect. 

"What?" Ulana asked after catching him staring at her for the third time in less than ten minutes. 

"You are beautiful." Valery feels his heart sink when she gives him a broad smile and she nudges him with one foot. Her eyes shine and he knows she feels the same way about him.

He watches her place the book and the mug on the window sill and lets his fall to the floor, erasing the cigarette in the ashtray beside it. Sasha gets up when Ulana shifts her position and leaves her hiding place giving them both a sheer look of indignation before stepping slowly toward the bedroom, or rather, the suitcase. 

"The cat is jealous." She jokes as she leans over him and lies flat against his chest, adjusting the blanket over them.

"It's better she get used to this," he murmurs with his nose buried in her hair, breathing in the scent of lilies as he hugs her. Valery forgets the uncertainties of the future and in that instant everything is perfect, everything is eternal.

Ulana turns her face to face him and for a moment he has the impression that she will say something, but then her lips reach his and he is consumed by the taste of coffee in her mouth, the sensation of her body over his, by cold fingers massaging his scalp and he simply surrenders to her, over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your kind coments and kudos, they really bring me joy. It's very nice to know there are people enjoying this fanfic.
> 
> I read one fanfic that Valery's cat was called Sasha and since then I can't call the cat by any other name. It's such a cute name and now is canon. 
> 
> Hope this chapter wasn't dull for you guys. Thanks for reading. <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm apologizing in advance for the Angst ahead.
> 
> (english is not my first language, so please forgive my grammar mistakes and typos)

On the last morning of 1986 Valery Legasov was stopped in the street by a KGB agent and taken to a car parked in the middle of the block right at the corner of his building. Charkov awaits him with a briefcase in his lap.

Valery looks around. Despite the cold there are many people walking on the street and this reassures him, in part. Ignoring the henchman, he leans over and slides down on the car’s back seat.

"Good morning, Professor Legasov." Charkov's expression is the same as ever, his face framing a small cynical smile on his lips, attentive eyes, relaxed body.

"Good morning, Comrade Charvok." Responds reluctantly. In his hands the sack of bread is gradually losing heat.

"I hope you sounds more convincing in Vienna. The official report will be forwarded to you by January 10." His tone is contemptuous at first and becomes superficially official as he continues. "The party has decided that Khomuyk should accompany you as the expert nuclear physicist in the case, a report will also be sent to her." 

Valery merely nodded in agreement as the news fell on his lap like a bomb. Going to Vienna to speak out the party’s version of the truth without her was one thing. Taking her along and having her to testify that ‘truth’ was another completely different thing. Khomyuk wasn’t going to lie, not about it, not publicly. As if any report was enough to force her to say anything but the truth, he thought wryly. All that stubbornness in her...

"I thought this would cheer you up, given the new ... circumstances." Charkov watches him carefully, raising one eyebrow. 

"This unexpected, but you're right, it pleases me, thank you." Valery merely responds with a small, surly smile on her lips.

"Of course we intend to thank you for the services rendered under the title of Hero of the Soviet Union, an honor that has not yet been granted to me." Charkov sounds monotonous and distant. "As well as a promotion to Director of the Kurchatov Institute. If everything happens as expected." For a moment Valery's attention is won. Yes, the government knows how to be generous. It would take maybe more years before he could be considered for that promotion under normal circumstances. "And there is Khomyuk's situation."

"Which is ...?"

"There's an open position as the chief physicist at Moscow Institute of Physics and Technology that might be interesting for her." Charvok sounds malicious, conspiratorial and observes Legasov with special attention. "This relationship of yours surprised me, I must confess. You are seen as an introvert. If it was to bet on a case I would have bet on Shcherbina."

What was he implying? That he would have become involved with Boris or that Boris would have become involved with Ulana? Luckily Legasov keep the same apathetic expression in his face and ignore the teasing.

Charkov sigh and delivers an envelope to Valery. "Give it to her. If it accepts the transference from the Belarusian Institute for Nuclear Energy to Moscow it will happen right after Vienna. You could even be able to apply for a better residence..." A lascivious smile curves Charkov’s lips. “The government wants to be thankful and wish you have time to enjoy the honeymoon phase you're going through."

"I'll talk to her. Thank you." Valery simply answers and opens the car door. 

"And Professor Legasov?" Charvok says before he gets out of the car completely. 

"Yes?" 

"Do not forget you are accountable for her." A threat. He swallows his pride and nods in agreement. He knows.

\---

“What took you so long?” Ulana asks when he enters the apartment and places the bag of breads on the kitchen table where she sits having coffee with Sasha on her lap.

“They are sending you to Vienna with me.” He says reluctantly as he sits down in the chair in front of her. 

He felt that the bubble in which they were living in those last days was about to burst and there was nothing he could do. Everything had an end and that was the beginning of their end. Even if he tried, and he would try, he knew he would not able to convince her.

“What?” She was totally surprised. Her tone made the cat jump to the ground with agility and get out of the kitchen.

“Charvok stopped me in the way back.”

He watched her sigh as she held the mug with both hands trying to warm his fingers. “I suppose we can’t avoid this discussion any longer then.” She says to the mug.

“So this is what you have been avoiding…” Now he understands why he got the impression that there was something wanting to escape her lips. Something she brushed aside with kisses and cuddles. “He send you this.” He pushes the envelope across the table to her.

Ulana leaves the coffee aside. With agile fingers she opens the envelope, her eyebrowns frowns as she reads, more and more. In his head Valery counts down for her reaction.

“A position as chief physicist at Moscow Institute Of Physics and Technology?” Her face began to blush. “But I am an expert in nuclear physics.” She shakes her head in denial, he knows how upset she feels, diminished, and yet... “They want to keep me away from nuclear physics.”

“That’s a possibility.” He grunts in admission.

“A possibility? Can’t you see it?” The expression on Ulana's face drain him is courage and he looks away. Groping the pockets of his jacket he looks for the pack of cigarettes. She’s thoughtfully and he lit his cigarette, dropping the lighter on the table with a noise, then shifts his attention to the kitchen. Where's the fucking ashtray? He spots it on a shelf and grabs it.

“They are making me Director at the Kurchatov Institute, they are close.” Valery admits at last when he returns to the chair. Ulana stares at him and he continues. “He says we might be able to apply for a new residence if we want to.” His voice sounds weak. This was not the way things were supposed to happen, that was not how he wanted to propose to her to stay with him.

“Oh…” She murmurs. With her right hand, she pushes the fringe away from her forehead, looks around for a brief moment, looks confused, tempted. Her breath swings and she swallows in regaining control, concentrating her eyes on her own hands as she assimilates his words. When she raises her head, the moment of doubt has passed. “So they’re setting us together. Why does this matter to them?” Ulana is no longer upset, her voice has a tone of sadness, she seems suddenly exhausted.

“Ulana, this is a one life time opportunity they are giving us and I think we should think this through.” Valery says cautiously and when she does not show any negative reaction he feels more motivated and continues, reaching his arm on the table to touch her hand with his. “We solve Chernobyl’s problem, they are going to fix all the reactors in the next few months, so what if they are giving something back to us? We gave our lives away.”

At that moment he knows he sounded convincing, as convincing as he could sound. It was not an act, it was the plainest truth. So what if the government was manipulating them? It did not matter to him, not at that moment, not with the prospect of a future with her. He watched her as she watched his hands together, his fingers gently caressing hers. It was an unconscious gesture, he touched her every time he wanted to convince her to do something, he understood how it could be seen, so he did not mind when she retrieved her hand.

"We did and now they are thanking us with what? A position? A better place to live?” Ulana looks at him seriously, her eyes searching for something in his face incessantly.

"Time, they're giving us time, Ulana. For you and me.” Legasov hoped that that would touch her somehow, that she would choose him over everything else. After all, she had chosen him over security, him over discretion, him over her health. Why not choose him again, over everything else? He was being selfish, he knew that.

“What if they don’t fix the reactors? What if another one explodes?” She asks. “You told me to find out the truth, you trusted my stubbornness to make me reach to bottom of it and for what? So you and I can have a few years, if we have enough luck, of marital bliss?” 

She nods in denial and he thinks he has never seen a prettier or sadder woman in his entire life. The words seemed to hurt her as much as it hurt him. It wasn’t an attack, it was a sacrifice. “Would you be able to live with your conscience if another reactor exploded because you chose us over millions?“

_No, no, no, no…_

“I've done bad things in my live, for the party, to keep my position, to grow inside the Institute. What I did in Chernobyl paid all my life faults. I want to live whatever time I've got left and I would like to do it with you." 

He tries to convince her once more, his tone shoots a bit harshly, more than he'd like it to, but he cannot help it. "Do you have any idea what they did with Volkov? They took all he had, his work, his family, his whole life. I don't want this for us. Nor a bullet in our heads."

"I would never be able to life with my conscience if they won't fix the reactor. Never." Ulana says softly and he feels something break inside him.

Valery takes off his glasses with one hand. With his elbows resting on the table he buries his toes in the inner corner of his eyes. _Shit!_ He feels his hands shake, he's scared, scared in a way he's never been. He's losing her.

“Thought that this” He gestures between them. “was important to you.” He sounds hurt, he feels hurt.

“This is not about us. You are important to me, more than I’m willing to admit to myself, but nor you or us is more important than the safety of millions of innocent people.” A sad smile curls her lips and she blinks a few times, as if something bothers her eyes. He notices that tears are forming and he looks away, giving her time to take a deep breath. He doesn’t want to see her cry. He doesn’t want to cry. “I’d like to think that if I spoke out, it would be enough. But I know how the world works.” She continues, the smile still on her lips. For a brief moment he has the impression that she will take his hand, but she puts her hand on the table, a few inches from his. “Valery Alekseyevich Legasov, you are important, not only for me, you hold a respectable position, people will listen to you, that's why you must tell the truth.”

When she gets up and leaves the kitchen, she takes with her all the little hope he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did not get too much OOC, but who would not be confused in a situation like this? I took into account that Legasov lied in Vienna to protect himself and that he then remained in doubt until the end about saying or not the truth. Of course, that did not reduce by any means the importance of his attitude. But the doubt existed, I just took advantage of it.
> 
> About housing - I am making assumptions about how the housing issue was resolved during the Soviet Union. I do not know if people owned the property or just used the houses and apartments. Then I took the liberty to understand that everything was controlled by the government and deliberated according to it's interests.
> 
> Are you guys still enjoying this story? Feedbacks are always appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much love and pain for themt. Sorry about it.  
> I promise they will have a happy ending (sort of).

“Can you put on an almost happy face?”

The question caught him by surprise. They stood in Shcherbina’s doorway . None of them were surprised by the size or the appearance of the house. They both knew how well the system worked and anyway Boris was on a very important position within the governament.

The house was lit up and even outside it was possible to hear the noise of conversation and laughter. Legasov was beginning to regret accepting the invitation when Ulana took him genyly by the arms and turned him around, analyzing his figure before making minor adjustments to his clothes and hair with her fingertips. Like Sasha he leaned toward at her touch.

He tries to smile, but through her face expression he knows the result is a mixture of grimace and pain. He felt that they should have tried to talk through the day, being immersed in their own thoughts had been a bad alternative. A small smile curls her lips but she cannot disguise in her eyes the sadness, at least not to him. When she tilts her face towards him and kisses him softly on the lips he feels more willing to try again and smiles. 

"That's better."

\---

Shcherniba's wife, Iulia, is a talkative and irreverent woman and it’s don’t take long before she’s dragging Ulana away from Valery, introducing her to other respected ladies who are married to high-ranking government men, all incredibly vain and dressed in obviously imported clothing. But Ulana smiles and is attentive to everyone, participates in the conversations and pretends to be part of the same situation. They all seem to ignore the fact that she had been one of the people responsible for containing the reactor. 

She notices him a few yards from her from time to time and smiles, trying to encourage him to amuse himself, making a silent promise of a later reward, but with each new smile he seems more taciturn and sad. He really does not understand the game they should be playing there. When Iulia leaves her with Boris as company to solve something in the kitchen is a real relief and Ulana sits next to him on a settee away from the people and Valery.

“Why he’s looking like kid who’s lost his candy?” Boris asks, exhaling the smoke from the cigarette his holding between his fingers.

“Charvok stopped him this morning on the way home from the bakery. Do you know they are sending me to Vienna?” She asks him with a smile on her face, pretending to be having a nice conversation about some trivial matter. He does the same.

“I do.”

“And about the transference?”

“Yes.”

“And...?”

“Things can be funny, in a very wicked way, you know? After all we’ve been through in that place some people act like we haven’t done anything huge or important. But there are always a few ones that can see the sacrifice and give us some credit.” 

Boris cross their long legs and relax against the back of the settee. “It came to my knowledge that you would suffer a fatal car accident after Vienna no matter what happened there and that I should be the one to convince Valera that it was only an accident.”

Ulana's smile falls apart and her eyes blink furiously for a few seconds as the information hits her like a slap in the face. She lowers her head, looking at her hands to hide her face. Her thinking did not turn to her highly possible imminent death, this was a sacrifice she was willing to make, but how he would deal with it should it happen.

“I see.” She murmurs in response after swallowing.

Beside her, Boris examines her closely, his face softening and his hand gives her a brief squeeze on the shoulder to show sympathy. That is the most he can express at that moment and she knows it so she struggles to look relaxed again as he continues.

“The thing is, I’m not an asshole. Valera is my friend and we have a bond that only people who did what we did can understand. That’s why I may have suggested to a few people that you would be quiet if they let you two live together whatever time you’ve got left. Lucky me you’re clever and you’re a putting a hell of an act tonight. Hope that will me enough to convince them all.”

“I can’t lie in Vienna, Comrade Shcherbina.” 

Boris stiffens and shifts his position in the settee.

“I thought you loved him.” It sounds like an accusation.

“I do.” Oh yes, she loves him even though she does try not to think too much about it, even if she has not told him that with all the letters, even if she interrupts every time he seems about to say it to her.

“So you’re not only a brave soul but can’t free yourself from you moral convictions after all, not even for love. That will fuck everything.”  
He sighs and keeps silent for a few seconds as he organizes the thoughts and she waits. “His is accountable for you. Did you know that?” 

He tells her this deliberately. While Legasov cannot convince her, Shcherbina demonstrates all his manipulation practice and even knowing that this is what he is doing to her at that moment she feels truly scared for Valery.

“What?”

“He did this to take you out of jail. Talked to Charvok himself _‘I need her’_ he said, never seen him act more like a naive idiot than that.” Boris approaches her and stares at her closely. She hates him for acting as if she were a danger or worse, an inconsequential young lady. “So if you tell the truth in Vienna you will not only die, but kill him in the process. Use this pretty head of yours and think about it, Khomyuk.”

\---

Despite people coming and going with drinks in hand, conversations and music, Valery was bored. Circling through the rooms he exchanges amenities with one or another person, talked to some of the party's acquaintances and Tarakanov for long minutes and despite his disguise he was impatient.

In two or three moments as soon as they arrived he had Ulana’s company. She e smiled and touched him whenever possible, and the fact that he was giving her almost all his attention seemed normal.

His dismay becomes more evident when they got separated and he looks at her constantly, not being able to pay much attention to the conversations. When she noticed his gaze Ulana smiles from behind her drink, a beautiful smile full of mischief that would have wrapped him around at any other time, his heart sinking further into his chest. The feeling was even worse to know that those smiles were not for him, it made no promises or shared intimacies, it were all for people to see. Pure staging.

Even so, he could not ignore the fact that he was hypnotized by her. He had not seen her in formal clothes before and was surprised when she walked out of the room wearing a forest green dress with shoulders to show and a subtle yet completely captivating cleavage. Her hair was tied up exposing her neck and framing her rosy checks with shining lips and outlined eyes.

For the second time on the same day he noticed that he had never seen another woman prettier than her. Ulana Yuriyvna Khomyuk had translated herself into perfection for him and Legasov wanted to be able to fall headlong into his glass of vodka and think of anything but her, them or the fucking situation they were in. 

Accepting the invitation had been a mistake, celebrate the new year in the company of those people was a real waste of time and he wished he could take Ulana by the hand and get out of there. He preferred to freeze in the cold outside with her than to be unhappy and warm there.

"I'm sorry I could not keep you company until now. Had to give some attention to this bunch of adorable people." Shcherbina's ironic voice sounded like music in his ears. There is a first time for everything. "Problems in paradise, Valera?"

Lesagov glanced at his friend. Where they stood, in a corner of the room next to a sideboard, they had a good view everybody and he could continue to admire Khomuyk from afar.

"Moral problems are ruining paradise, but it's mostly my fault." He said looking away at the empty glass in his hand.

“Told you she would burry you before the reactor.”

“They are sending her with me to Vienna, did you know about it?”

“I did. They are talking about the two of you a lot lately.” Scherbina made the drink spin inside the glass like a whirlwind. “Good thing she’s a very convincing actress.”

Valery turns to his side and looks directly at Shcherbina, trying to read his face expression, but the drinks he has taken over the past two hours have clouded part of his senses.

“There’s something I should be worried about?”

Boris takes a serious look at him for a moment and looks away.

“No.” 

Legasov doesn’t notice the lie, releasing a relieved sigh. If the party is satisfied with them all he needs is to convince her. It would be easier to contain another exposed reactor. Boris's hand falls heavily on his shoulder and they both look back at Khomyuk. 

“Go over there, hug her, dance, have some fun, fuck her in the sofa if you must, I really don’t care. Just make sure all these fuckers believe you’re a happy couple.”

\---

When Valery stands beside her and wraps her arm around her waist, it's easy to lean against him and feel safe. The warmth of his body against hers is comforting and when he lies a kiss on her temple she cannot not smile or put her hand over his. 

"Would you like to dance?" He whispers in her ear, receiving a nod in response.

It is incredibly easy to rebuild their bubble, even there surrounded by strangers, even with heavy hearts, even for a brief moment of time. Ulana's eyes never looked as green as that night, he notices when the two of them hug each other, moving their feet two steps to one side, two steps to the other, not really caring much about the dance itself. Maybe it's the contrast with the dress, he does not know for sure.

“I didn’t have the chance to say it, but you look beautiful.” Her melancholy had vanished, washed away by vodka and her scent for the next few hours. Their foreheads rest together and they look closely at each other.

“Actually you could have said that in the apartment.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you this earlier, it took me by surprise, see you like this.” He does not say he did not know how she would react after endless quiet hours

“This is why you can´t keep your eyes off of me?” Ulana smiles one of her mischievous smiles and this time he knows it's for him. .  
Valery kiss the corner of her lips and draws a path with kisses down to her ear.

“In part. Shcherbina said we could fuck in the sofa, I’m inclined to do it right now. What do you think?” His lips touch her ear lightly as he speaks and Ulana laughs.

“Too much audience.” Her right hand rest in the nape of his neck, nails lightly scratching his skin. He shivers. “But we can definitely do it later.”

“Against the door?” All Valery’s shyness vanished when he had a few drinks. He was always on for dirty fun shag and that still amuses her, even after so many months together.

She laughs again. Sometimes pretending is so much easier, so much simpler. God, she wanted to be able to fuck him to the point of oblivion so he could forget her completely.

“Might be dangerous after all these drink, none of us will be able to keep balance. On the bed.” She wants him, wants him more than anything, more than ever, against the door, on the bed, on the living room floor, even on the car, it does not matter. She wants to have him in her arms and inside herself, wants to join him and be one for a few moments, wants to forget the rest of the world and life itself and only be with him. "I'll be in charge tonight." She whispers in his ear in a malicious tone and his hands instantly hold her tighter.

“Can’t wait for it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead!
> 
> If you're still reading this you know how my english can be confuse.

How to overcome our own moral barriers? Can a human being deviate from his ideals and beliefs? No, not without getting corrupted in some way.  
Even with her head full of doubt, Ulana still had certain certainties. The present was one of them. In the present they were still safe, truth and lie still made no difference. He was the other, Valery, who danced with her and made indecent proposals in her ear, but turned glum on the way home. Home. For the first time in her life, home was not a place, but someone, someone alive, wanting to live with her and who, in the moment, was walking next to her from the garage to the apartment with his head leaning forward, staring at the floor as his thoughts ran away.

The government distorted right and wrong, turning it indistinguishable from its promises. She understood that and maybe that's why she took him by the hand even though he was in that mood, and guided him into the bedroom. Obediently, Valery followed behind her and sat on the bed wrapping her in his arms as she lifted her skirt and sat on his lap, exposing her thighs as she straddles him.

Ulana saw in his eyes the mixture of doubt, consternation, hope, and desire. She wanted to be able to accept the bribe for her silence, she wanted to be able to accept that chance to live the time she had with him, but they both knew it could not be. The truth would kill them and lie would destroy them.

She absorbs that image, his face in its infinite details, his lips curved down in an eternal expression of sadness, his right eyebrow slightly arched, his intense blue eyes staring at her from behind his glasses, always studying her, the strand of hair lying on his forehead. She noticed new white hair strands in his temples, still short, lines of expression that gained more evidence and how tensed his jaw muscles were.

With hers fingertips she brush the hair from Valery's forehead and let her lips linger there for a moment, softening his expression with small kisses as her hands took off his jacket, opened the buttons of his shirt, and discarded the pieces on the floor beside the bed. His glasses fell on the pile of clothes and she kissed his temples, his eyebrows, and his eyelids. Valery's hands, cold, swept up her thighs, and up her body as he pulled her dress off, leaving her hair unkempt and her body exposed over his.

The sense of intimacy is overwhelming for both. Valery rests his forehead on Ulana’s shoulder and breathes the scent of her skin. He wants comfort and she hugs him, kiss him in the hair. She finally accepts that they are dying, that in one way or another they will lose each other. A knot grew in Ulana's chest as she realized that this would be one of the last moments of intimacy between him, if not the last. It was unfair to find someone and have to give up that person. 

For the first time she feels an almost uncontrollable urge to say those three words they avoided, but to say them would only make things even more difficult and instead of talking she kissed him.

When their lips met, there was that feeling of comfort, that tender warmth in which they both liked to submerge themselves. Valery fills his right hand with her hair and hold her gently in place as he kisses her. They kiss for what seems hours, slow and deep.. Cigarettes, vodka and a touch of chocolate from the dessert. With his free hand he loosens her bra and her bare skin rub against each other.

The palpitation between her legs increases and an urgency to be touched arises. Ulana touches him on the pants and they groan together with the sensation. The trousers get open and her small hand stimulates him as his lips leave hers to lick and kiss her neck. She tilts her head to the side and groans as a shiver runs through her spine. Ulana knows that if she goes on like this she'll lose control soon and wake up with a hickey on her neck.

“Your trousers...” She whispers in his ear. “Take it off.”

“Hmm?” Valery grunts against her skin, then releases her and gets up.

She smiles wickedly on the bed. Valery kicks his shoes off his feet and gasps loudly when her lips touch him. His pants fall to the floor, forming a pile on his feet, but he does not care. The world is summed down to circular motions, the hot sensation of her mouth and how she takes all of him.

Valery's mouth is slightly open, his eyes closed, his head tilted back and his breath is shallow, soft hair strands in his hands and he controls himself not to thrust and make her choke. His cock vibrates dangerously in her mouth as their eyes meet and he take a step back before the fun is over. 

Ulana sees his pupils dilated, his lips slightly swollen into a silly grin, gasping, and her chest swells when she knows this vision is uniquely hers. It is she who leaves him like this, excited, lost in a sensation of pleasurable joy, crazy with desire. Valery kisses her deeply, taste himself in her mouth as they lie together on the bed.

She does not remember the exact moment when she lost her panties, but she knows how to pinpoint the moment when the warmth rose through her body as his fingers slipped inside her. 

"So wet." He murmurs against her lips in a thirsty way.

Ulana knows that at that moment what Valery wants most is to open her legs and taste her, but with an agile movement of her legs she lies him on his back and sits over him. Her moisture meets his cock and the feel of the friction is wonderful as she moves her hips over him in undulating movements.

It's so fucking good! His hands touch her breasts and she keeps her hands resting on his abdomen as she continues her movements. Her heart is pounding, her breath high in her ears, the vibration in her center increases and she feels the climax approaching. That's when she finally takes him in the hand and guides him inside her. 

"Oh..." She moans. Ulana moves her hips over his, slowly in the same undulating movement. She sees him close his teeth as the pace increased until she finally settled into a constant.

Small beads of sweat trickled down Ulana's back. Her body cries, pleas, demands that she continues, and numbing exhaustion was only a passing state. She had lost all sense of time, sound, everything, had no idea how long she was there, but she knew exactly what proportion of the intoxicating pleasure they felt at that moment. 

Valery's face was contracted as he tried to keep control and held her by the hips, helping her keep up. They moaned and sighed with each new thrust.

As she leaned forward, resting her hands on the bed, her hair fell over him in a curtain and Valery caught her lips in a deep, voracious kiss. Her breasts brushed against his chest, her knees bothering her, and her thigh muscles burned slightly, but nothing surpassed pleasure. 

"I'm almost there." He moaned against her lips and pulled her close, interrupting her movements so he could thrust. Hard. Fast.

Immediately Ulana came biting her lip to keep from moaning too loudly. Her nails sank into his shoulders as her sex squeezed his in continuous spasms. He kept pushing until his breath was ragged, until the last waves of pleasure ran through him, until his cock became soft inside her.

"This was ..." Valery tries to speak.

"Yes... this was..." She still agrees with shortness of breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all you kind comments. They bring me so much joy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this you know how my english can be confuse.

As if the reality of the situation was no longer difficult, Valery Legasov had another daily obstacle, looking excited while feeling depressed, frustrated and occasionally angry. However,  
he would smile at people, laugh at their jokes pretending that everything was going wonderfully well. 

He was a hero, he had saved millions, he had done the unimaginable for the nation and it was rumored that he was involved with a belarusian scientist who would soon move to Moscow. It would be a beautiful picture, if it were not false.

Only on the safety inside the walls of his apartment did he allow himself to feel melancholy amidst the general mess and in the company of the cat, who in those days watched him from a safe distance.

It had only been two weeks since Ulana had returned to Minsk, and though he felt save there, his home had never seemed that empty or cold. The ashtrays were full, dirty dishes piled up in the sink, and there were folders and papers all over the place. The bed was never made, and Sasha constantly walked to the room in search of Ulana’s suitcase. Great, even the cat had gotten used to her (or to her clothes, at least).

But Valery had a difficult daily task at home too, to talk to Ulana on the phone almost every night and to tell her about his day's amenities, to listen to her stories about work, and to keep a lively and interested tone when a knot grew in his throat. It was good to hear her speak, but the only part that was really real was the farewell, when they both said they missed each other after a brief hesitation. 

He missed her, and that depressed him, he wanted to convince her, and his inability to do so frustrated him, and the unfairness of the situation irritated him.

In the last few weeks Valery had also been keeping a distance from Boris, making excuses not to see him, just for not have to tell him that he hadn’t found a way out of that situation, that he and Ulana hadn’t even talked more about it, than in fact they spent their last three days enjoying what would surely be their last days together and trying to accept the unacceptable. 

That's why he was not surprised when Boris appeared in his apartment with a grumpy face on night and went in without being invited.

"Glad to see you're still alive!" The irony in Boris's voice is evident. He looks around the apartment with a grimace and sits in a free corner of the sofa.  
"Of course I'm alive, Boris." Valery agrees against his will and closes the door. Why is so difficult to understand that all he want is to be alone?

"Why are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding, I need some time to think, that's all." Valery does not look at Boris, instead he picks up a pile of books from the sofa and puts it on the already crowded dinner table, after all it's not like he would use it soon. 

"About Khomyuk, I suppose." Boris says cautiously and they finally face each other.

Legasov just nods positively.

"So ... how are things between you?"

"They are not." Valery rubs his eyes under his glasses, in a tired gesture. 

He does not want to have that conversation out loud with anyone, he does not want to debate the situation, he does not want to accept the inevitable. He wanted to go back to the bubble with her and live there at that moment, but all that was left was the scent of her perfume on the pillow and a pair of socks he found in the middle of the couch cushions.

"What do you mean with “they are not”?" Boris gives him a confused look and Valery snorts wryly. 

Shcherbina will not give up and Legasov knows he can’t run away, so he gropes his pockets for the pack of cigarettes, to buy time and get his thoughts in order. He only responds when he takes a long drag.

"Ulana won’t tell the party’s truth in Vienna, she still thinks we should tell the real truth, that people deserve to know, but we all know what will happen if I do this." 

They look at each other and Boris nods silently. Yes, they know full well what will happen if the truth is told. 

"So what are you going to do?" Boris asks after a few seconds as he absorbs the situation and observes his friend, lost in thought.

"I do not know ..." Valery sighs wearily, exhaling a thick cloud of smoke and sinks into the seat. "Do you really believe they'll fix the reactors?" He asks in a low voice, casting Shcherbina a sideways glance. 

"Why would they not?" The rhetoric seems obvious.

"Why aren’t they doing this already? After all, what prevents them from doing it right now?"

Those questions take Boris's words away for a moment and he ponders leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. His eyes wander around the small coffee table where the paperwork sent by the party is scattered. A liar dossier, a true fiction story, and it angers him even more, but he does not show anything, instead he says:

"The negative image the party will get if people find that they have used wrong and potentially lethal material in the construction of reactors. After all, what kind of professionals builds a nuclear power plant with the unsuitable material? But I do not think they want to face another Chernobyl, that will make them make the necessary repairs." 

"You think, but do you believe on it, Boris?" Valery raises his eyebrows and takes another drag.

"Fucking woman got in your head." Boris sounds irritated and leans back on the couch, letting his fist fall hard on the accent beside him, which causes a cloud of ashes and dust to rise and immediately Legasov takes the ashtray away.

In his head, in his body, in his heart… Valery does not know how to point out a single space in his life that she has not entered. Before, his life was all about work, but now there was her. Of course Boris would mock if he tried to explain it.

"Ulana is right in many things, if the repairs don’t occur we will have sacrificed ourselves for nothing."

"For nothing? We seal the exposed reactor, good dammit! " Boris sounds even more annoyed and throws a hard look at Legasov, as if he were a blind and naive fool. Maybe he was, after all to be a scientist is to be naive.  
"Think Boris, if they want to avoid a negative image do you really believe they will make the repairs? Regardless of when they do it the party situation will get critical in one way or another. The political instability they fear so much will happen if they do the repairs. This situation can lead to the end of communism! So, do you really think they will make the repairs?"

Valery gives him a hard look. Maybe Valery Legasov is not so naive after all, Boris thinks and breathe deeply. He knows that's true, he knows that communism will walk a tightrope if that happens. What happens if the party falls? How will people live? What kind of life the nation will have if the Soviet Union ends? He does not know, but he fears the unknown. Valery, on the other hand, does not seem to fear anything, he only analyzes the issue caring solely for the people and for him and Ulana. Politics is just politics, it does not matter to him.

"It seems to me, Valera, that in the end you have no doubts and you are already decided on what to do."

"No, I'm not decided. I think Ulana is right, that the truth must come out, but I am a selfish man and it is for thinking of me that I am in doubt. At the same time that I believe that people need to know the truth I also want to have a life, to accept the position of director, I want her to come to Moscow, I want ..." Valery get silent when his voice slightly shakes and buries the cigarette butt in the ashtray.

"You want to live with her, yes I know, Valera." Boris completes the sentence. He would like to answer “You will still can have your position, you can deny it, Ulana Khomuyk’s word doesn’t matter” But all this would be a lie, then he says thoughtfully: "Maybe we have to arrange a third alternative then."

"A third alternative?" Valery stares at him, and for the first time Shcherbina sees a subtle gleam of hope in his gaze. Shit, he does not want to disappoint his friend.

"Yeah, one that you do not have to lie about or di." Boris sinks into his seat and searches for his own pack of cigarettes. He needs some nicotine and some damn ideas. 

At his side Valery still looks at him expectantly, as if he would take a response from his pocket like a magician takes a rabbit out of his hat, as if it were something simple to solve.  
"You really should clean this dump." Boris grunts, putting his feet on the coffee table. "It stinks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you so much for all your kind comments. They bring me so much joy and any feedback is appreciated.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this you know how my english can be confuse.

Bury herself at work from head to toe was always the best way out. There was no absurdity in being the last person to leave the institute, not the first to arrive, much less work on weekends. After all, what do you do at home by yourself? Ulana had always avoided her loneliness with work, and now she could thank herself for this awful custom.

Dimitri tried to get information from her about Chernobyl about what she had done over the last few months, and about Professor Valery Legasov, but she abruptly changed the subject with an obvious expression that these were not things she wanted to talk about.

Acting like that she avoided questioning until finally signing the transfer papers to Moscow. It was tragically ironic how giving up hers job was more difficult than giving up her safety and health. Everyone was surprised, Dimitri bordering on the shock of the 'novelty'. 

Yes, she was going to Moscow. Yes, to work Moscow Institute Of Physics and Technology. Yes, she would no longer work directly with nuclear physics. Yes, she was throwing years of work and studying in the trash. It was possible that she moved in with Professor Legasov, but that question had not yet been sorted out.

"So he proposed! Why you didn’t tell me?" Dimitri asked, seeming offended by her lack of confidence in him once they were alone in the room, when everyone finally stopped coming and going to learn more about her move to Moscow. 

“He proposed what?" Ulana looked away from the computer and looked at him with a genuine expression of confusion t on her face.

"Marriage! Is not that why you're going to Moscow?" What was he talking about?

The unreality of that conversation bordered on torture and she simply excused herself with a lie and locked herself in one of the labs for the rest of the day, pretending she still had a lot of things left to deal with.  
What was she supposed to say, that she was being forced to accept a transfer not to put him in eminent danger? To buy them some time? That Cherbonyl had blown up, and what part of it was the government's fault? That yes, in other circumstances maybe she would make professional sacrifices to live her end of life with Valery Legasov? 

Completely nauseated she stood there, staring out of the window until the end of the day, and it was the first time in years that she left work on time.

For a person who spent most of her adult life living alone it was strange as now the last thing she wanted was, in fact, to be alone. When had she become so dependent on Valery's company? She didn’t know. 

She unlocked the door and had to push for the handle to turn, all those months that the apartment had been locked had consequences. Doors stuck, noisy tubing, faulty faucets, the list was endless, but she did not care, in less than a month the apartment would be vacated by her and then... Then probably she would either live in another equally unhappy apartment or in a hole seven feet under the ground. She made an ironic mental note to remind herself to ask Shcherbina to bury her and Valery side by side if he could.

The feeling of guilt that took her was exhausting and as much as she plunged into work her little free time was occupied by that overwhelming feeling. She slept badly, it was hard to push the storm of thought out of her mind and relax. No matter how much she thought, she could not come up with an alternative. The truth was necessary, but she could not kill Valery, despite everything. We are dead people fighting for life, she thought.

Ulana also ate badly, when she ate, and even in such a short time she had lost considerably weight. Her clothes were loose around her waist and hips, and now she tried to use her free making small adjustments, within her limited capacities, so she could still wear them.

She was sitting on the bed with the sewing kit and one of her skirts in her hand when the phone rang. Only two people would call her and if she was going to bet someone would be in Valery, so she was surprised to hear Shcherbina's hoarse voice. 

"Comrade Khomyuk! Shcherbina. How are you? " Boris sounded ... Well Boris sounded like himself, his tone steady as always.  
"Good. How are you, Comrade?" She tried to sound normal, as if the call was not at all startling or alarming to her. 

"Great. Listen, do you remember that book we talked about? " 

Book? What the hell he was talking about?

"We talked about several. Which one exactly?” She enters the play, as if trying to remember, but the expression on her face is serious, paying total attention on him. 

"The one about the second war in which a russian family flees from their lands trying to escape from the Germans only with a few belongings and ends up taking the wrong course by going west and facing the enemy..." 

Ulana misses the sewing stich and ends up sticking a finger. The message is quite clear. People running away, few belongings, west, enemies. Flee the country. Americans.

"Oh yeah, of course I remember, Iulia seemed to like the story a lot." She improvises.

"Of course she liked it." There was a slight hint of irony in his voice. "I finally found, do you want me to leave with Valera or do you pick up when you get here?" 

Should he talk to Valery or wait for her? Ulana has no time to ponder. If it was Boris's idea he should tell Valery not her. 

"If you can leave with him I would appreciate it. Maybe he'll get interested in reading."

"I'll leave the book with him then."

"Thank you, Comrade. Next weekend I'll be in Moscow, he still does not know, I want to make a surprise.” She confides him with a lively tone. “I signed the transfer, so now I have to file a petition for housing."

They can debate the alternative then. Boris picks up the tip.

"What good news. Come and have dinner with me and Iulia on saturday, to celebrate. She doesn’t stop asking about you."

"Of course, it will be a pleasure to have dinner with you. Send my regards to Iulia, Comrade Shcherbina."

"I'll. See you soon, Comrade Khomyuk. "

When she puts the phone on the hook, Ulana's hand is trembling. It was an insane, insane, and dangerous idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was no way out of the situation between Valery and Ulana that would not have negative consequences for them and I wanted to give them more time together. I hope this is not disappointing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're still reading this you know how my english can be confuse.

She knocked on the door three times and waited, holding her breath. Valery was not the type to warn before opening the door, but Ulana could hear Sasha meowing, acknowledging her presence and then his footsteps approaching. Valery mumbled something to the cat and the door finally opened to reveal it with a cigarette dangling from his lips and wearing a flowery apron. 

He looked at her with a mixture of surprise and shock, oblivious to the apron and she started laughing and still laughing she was pulled into the apartment with suitcase and everything by his hands.

The suitcase fell on the floor inside the apartment, the door was closed with his foot, the cigarette was thrown in the ashtray with one hand, risking a fire, and then he had his hands on her face and his lips on hers. In that swirl of emotions she still laughed when he kissed her for the first time and the second time, she smiled when he kissed her the third time and the fourth time she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

They hold each other, enveloped in their heat, reassured by being together once more. The sense of hope was palpable, but neither of them really wanted to cling exclusively to it. Ulana feels the heart sink in the chest, not of sorrow this time, but of love.

"I missed you," Valery says against her hair. 

"I missed you too." She raises her face and kisses him softly on the lips once more.

\--- 

In the kitchen Ulana settled into her usual chair by the table while he poured a mug of coffee and search for something for her to eat. In the sink an absurd amount of dishes had been washed and she understood the reason for the apron. She watches him in silence, watching him move well through the tight space and smiles when the possibility of having that simple routine moment every day passes through her head.

"Why did not you tell me you were coming?"

"I wanted to make a surprise." That makes him look over his shoulder with a smile on his lips.

"And you did it. Did you take the train?" He asks, putting the coffee mug, toasts and butter in front of her.

"Yes I took the train. Now sit down Valery, let's talk about this." Her words do not sound harsh, but they are direct.

Valery takes the apron off and puts it on the table in front of her before she sits down. There was a deja vu feeling, the two had already had a conversation in that kitchen, and it had not been easy at all.

This time, however, the atmosphere is different, there is apprehension, there is hope, there is uncertainty and even a little fear, but there is also some unexplained and powerful emotion. There, sitting in front of him, she has the feeling that as much as they can worry or fear to run away and the life that waits for everything would be ok. 

"So ..." She began taking a sip of the invigorating coffee before biting the tip of a buttered toast. 

"In short Boris thinks that instead of going to Vienna we should make a complaint against the Soviet Union at the UN." 

"At the UN? For someone who did not want to humiliate the nation..." The irony does not escape her words and Valery releases a muffled laugh and nods.

"And we from potential liars are becoming the destroyers of communism."

"Do you really want to do this, Valery? Do you want to leave Russia? " 

"I do not think we have any other alternative that will allow us to tell the truth and stay alive, but I want to do it the right way, I don’t want anyone to suspect Boris's help." 

Ulana watches him closely. There is no doubt in Valery, not about leaving, not about telling the truth. He just seems worried, but sure of what to do and this leaves her even more relieved. Yes, they would follow Boris's plan, whatever it was. 

"This is a much easier problem to solve, let's see what Boris tells us today so we think about what we're going to do."

"Today?" Valery raises one eyebrow, initially disappointed, as if he does not want to have to share it with anyone. She knows he does not want to, not after the last few weeks. 

"Yes, I agreed we would have dinner with him and Iulia." 

His expression then shifts to a suspicious air, but utterly mocking as the eyebrow rises further toward his hair and he nods non-stop. 

"So Boris knew you were coming?" His words are full of presumed mistrust. 

"Maybe..." She shrugs, pretending innocence. 

"Since when do you hide things from me?" 

"Are you accusing me of anything, Camrade Legasov?" A smile curves her lips.

"Maybe..."

Ulana gives a soft laugh and he just watches her. The way he looks at her... She wished she wasn’t so tired to take him by the hand to the room and let the bubble envelop them for the next few hours. But instead, Ulana stretches her arm across the table until her hand finds him and he smiles.

His fingers stroking hers absently as she finishes eating. The silence between them is comfortable and that moment of pure banality could not be more perfect. 

"What happened to the apartment?" She asks as she takes the last sip of the coffee. 

"Nothing, I just let some things pile up." Valery pretends not to.

She knows that for him the last few weeks have not been easy either, and she knows him well enough to understand that he simply lost control of the house and maybe even of himself when there was no one watching him.

Ulana moves the chair closer to him and he helps her with his free hand until she is close enough to hug him with one arm and bury her face in his neck. She breathes in him, smelling the scent of soap on his skin and the slight remnant of his cigarette.

"You are tired. Why do not you lie down for a while?" He murmurs in her ear as his fingers gently massage her scalp.

"Would you keep me company?"

"Always."

Valery accepts the hand she reaches at him with a smile and pulls her back to him, wrapping his arms around her, kissing her forehead, her checkboone, her jaw and down toward her neck. Ulana laughs as he begins to walk with her in his arms and she has to walk on her back toward the room. 

They lie on the bed between laughing and he kisses her again, slowly and softly, and for a few seconds she allows herself to sink into that comforting sensation of being in his arms. Even when her lips parted, she hesitates a little to move, but does so under his protests and returns to the living room in catch her suitcase and spend a few minutes in the bathroom.

Valery lies on his side on the bed, leaning on one elbow to watch her. Ulana puts the bag on the bed, pulls out a pair of pajamas that are obviously his, and thick socks, and moves it to the floor beside the dresser. She feels his gaze as she undresses and is not surprised when he asks.

"Have you been feeling well?" He frown as he looks at her with attention. 

"Yes." 

"You lost weight." His tone is cautious and worried. 

Ulana sits on the bed and stares at him. "Yes, I lost weight, but there's nothing to do with my wealthy. Do not worry."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes, Valera, I'm sure." She puts her hand on his face to ensure him, she’s touched by his concern. "You did a mess in the apartment, I lost weight. That’s how we lunatics deal with things.” That makes him smile.

Ulana lies on the bed and he pulls the blankets over her gently and the two lie facing each other until they approach again. Valery feels the refreshing taste of the toothpaste on her lips for a brief moment. 

"I signed the transfer to Moscow four days ago." Ulana finally tells his, her fingers playing with a button of his shirt. 

"That should not have been easy." 

"It was harder than just getting in the car and driving to Prypat." 

"I'm sorry for that," Valery whispers to her in a broken voice. 

She does not want him to feel guilty, he is not to blame for anything, nor is she. It was all a consequence of the system in which they lived and both of them knows it.

"Don’t. If we're going to do this, if we're going to expose the situation to the world, then it's worth it."

Valery says nothing, just caresses her hair distractedly and the feeling is comforting. Her eyes are heavy, but she does not want to sleep yet. She wants to stay there and enjoy that moment of tranquility and exchange confidences. She sees the three words in his eyes and she expects him to see them in her eyes as well. 

"How did your colleagues react?" He asks after a while. 

"Surprised... Shocked... Some of them asked me if you had proposed." 

"Really?" He sounds surprised, but his expression doesn’t show that.

Remembering the expression on Dimitri's face still affected her. Of course he did not know what was really going on, he did not know the real reasons for her to move, but that judgment... She hated being judged weak or dependent anyway.

"Yes ... Can’t a woman move to another city and live with a man without being married to him?" All that sexism was so tiring, so revolting. 

"Apparently not, but I think it would be logical for them to think it, too bad I didn’t think of it before."

She stares at him for a moment at his unexpected words. Of course he would have proposed, after all he was who he was, a man with a good heart who had strong feelings for her and did not hesitate to demonstrate them. Under her fingers she could feel his heart pounding.

"Would you have proposed to me?" 

"Why wouldn’t I? Just because you never give me the chance to say I love you it does not mean I wouldn’t ask you to be my wife." 

"You just did." Ulana says quietly in a broken voice and presses her lips together as she blinks a few times. She could not imagine hearing that would thrilled her so much.

"I know," Valery says with a smile and gives her a soft kiss on her lips, before laying his forehead against hers and sliding his hand to her face. "Do you think this will work? That we're going to get there? What are they going to give us asylum?"

"Yes, I have the feeling that everything will be fine." She blinks slowly, the comfort and warmth coming from the bed and from him finally leading her to sleep.

"Sleep a little, when lunch is ready I'll wake you up." His lips rub against her forehead in a gentle kiss.

"Are you going to cook lunch? So efficient…" She gives a big smile and squeeze his hand.

He laughs and wraps the blanket around her. "You definitely need food."

"Valery?" She pulls him back as he sits to get out of bed.

"Hm ..." Obediently he comes closer, leaning over her.

Ulana looks at him closely, a small smile on her lips, eyes glittering. She gives him a soft peck on the lips.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if it's too occ! We were all (that includes them) needing a little bit of cuddling.
> 
> Again, thank you so much for all your kind comments and kudos. They bring me so much joy and any feedback is appreciated.


	11. Chapter 11

Boris's mood wasn’t the best. He stared at them at the dinner table while Iulia talked non-stop to Ulana about the most varied women's issues. Valery did not know if his bad mood was related to the situation they were in or the wife's endless chat was leaving him that way. Besides, he was enjoying the way Ulana looked at him, as if asking for help, but he tried to keep Boris talking and there was no conversation the four of them could have together. 

When they had finished eating, Valery put his hand on Ulana's thigh and her hand found his under the table, their fingers intertwined.

Boris's daughter and son-in-law had returned and their little boy ran to his grandfather. They watched Shcherbina’s hard facade collapse into smiles for the boy on his lap.

Beside him, Ulana smiled, her hands stroking his on her lap and he wondered what he was thinking at the moment. Whatever it was she should be something good, because she kept smiling as he gently squeezed her fingers making her turn her gaze to him.

Their lives would have been absurdly different had they met years earlier. Or not, a stubborn voice said in his head. Would their younger versions given a chance to each other? Or they would just hurt one another and turn their dedication to their own work? 

He’s being silly, his younger self would never have let her out of his life, no matter what. He would have married her, would have had children with her, would even have had a dog if that was her will.

"Let me just take this boy to bed." Boris's daughter took him out of his daydreams.

They moved from the dining room to the living room in silence. Ulana settled on the couch next to him as Boris settled in front of them in one of the armchairs. Valery's hands automatically grope his pockets for the pack of cigarettes. 

"I got a flight for you two from Vienna to New York just in time before the conference." Boris said flatly, comfortably sit as he lit up a cigarette to himself.

"That will allow us to carry the farce until the very end.” Valery said, nodding, yes, there would be no time for anyone to go after them. 

"What about our companions?" Ulana's voice make’s him cast a glance at her. She was sitting perched on the edge of the couch.

"I'm already fixing that. An acquaintance will take them out of your way." 

"You're saying you're going to..." Valery stared at his friend in amazement and doubt. What was he suggesting? Yes, they had killed men, but the circumstances were different. 

"Food poisoning. They won’t be able to keep their eyes on you shitting themselves." Boris looked scornful as a cloud of smoke left his mouth, as if he imagined the scene. “Cold passports will also be provided for you to leave Vienna without attracting attention. This will leave the party lost for some time without knowing your exact whereabouts.” He took another drag and looked well pleased with himself. "And government people will pick you up at the airport there."

“Government people?" He asked at once, surprised at the length of the preparations.

"I did not know your influence was going that far." Boris did not notice the twinge of debauchery in Ulana's words, and she ignored Valery's gaze.

"I have some good old friends who decided to drop out of Russia some time ago to have a life more... Interesting, shall we say. You know how much the American government appreciates information, that will ensure your safety there."

Yes, it made sense, Valery pondered as he propped his elbows on his thighs and leaned forward, scratching his eyes and smoking. But there was still an important point about what had been worrying him in those last few days.

"Do you think they'll give us political asylum?" He asked Boris. 

"I don’t see why not, it's not every day that two Soviet scientists go there with a great compromising secret up their sleeve." Boris sounded confident, assertive and reassuring. Valery knew he could trust him, that he could trust his judgment. 

"Thank you, Boris, for doing this for us." Ulana said seriously.

They stared at each other for long moments in silence. Valery knew the two of them disagreed with everything, understood how one bothered the other, how they were essentially different people, but Chernobyl gave them a common purpose, he. They were both concerned solely for his sake and for his sake.

Valery saw Boris answer Ulana with a soft nod. Boris's eyes turned to him and he had an imperceptible smile on his lips. Valery was suddenly overwhelmed by feelings. Gratitude, trust, friendship, love... He opened his mouth to thank him, but his friend shook his head. 

"Could not let those fuckers kill you." He said in his usual husky tone. "Nor her. What kind of friend would I be if I did?” 

Valery blinked his eyes a few times, they had gotten wet and he sniffed before cleared his throat and smiled. "You a good friend, Borja." 

"Yeah, yeah, Valera, I know."

\---

He first notices Sasha nestled in Ulana's suitcase in the middle of her clothes. He cannot blame the cat, not when he just wants to nest next to her and her things too. She is sitting on the bed under the covers, wearing glasses, again wearing his pajamas and reading something that has rested on her lap, fully penetrated. 

Valery sits on the bed and looks at her as he takes off his glasses and pretends to organize his bedside table before he goes to bed. He feels overwhelmed by a good sense of familiarity and feels grateful to the universe, or God, or whatever determines things, by having her there, with him. He also feels grateful for the possibility of sleeping and waking up next to her every day, of living the rest of his short life with her, of having a chance to be happy in the end.

And to think that it all started with an innocent (or not so innocent) "I need her". Almost a year had passed and in those months he could not conceive the idea of living any life or any time that was not with her.

"What are you reading?" He asked as he moved to lie down on the pillows and pull the blanket over him.

"The report the KGB sent you to use in Vienna." Her response is distracted.

Valery says nothing. He knows the lies of the report, so he closes his eyes and relax. Minutes pass by, he cannot say how many, but at some point he feels Ulana shift on the bed.

"He's doing this because of you. You know that, don’t you?" She was staring at him when he opened his eyes.

"Of course." Of course he knows. "I wish I could return him the favor." Valery sits on the bed, leaning against the pillows. 

"We can’t, not really, but there’s a thing we can actually do."

"What?" 

"We should inform our colleagues at the institutes about the real situation of the RKMB reactors inside Soviet Union. We should give them copies of Volkov's reports, we should leave our version of the facts. They would believe you."

Valery ponders for a few seconds, yes, that might help. If they sent the information they could not focus on Boris, there would be many small fires to be erased and a large one lurking. Besides that, it would be clear that they had been planning to flee for some time, and they might have fooled Boris as well. 

"In us. There is no longer just me or just you, Ulana."He corrects her at last.

"There's no need for this, Valery." Ulana blinks slowly and shakes her head. 

"Except there is. Can’t you grant a request of a dying man?"

It is an attempt of joke, at least at first, a very weak and very real attempt. Valery regrets as soon as the words come out of his mouth and Ulana becomes even more serious, frowning. 

"You're not dying." She says with such absolute certainty that he would like to believe, but that he knows not to be true, not entirely. 

"But I'll die, eventually." 

"Eventually everybody dies." 

"You..."

Valery cannot finish the sentence. Ulana leans toward him and her lips meet his in a gentle brush. The files slip from her lap to the bed slowly, one of her hands caresses his neck and Valery understands that is not a thought she wants to have, not yet, not now and she's right. In here, in the now, he is well, he is alive and happy, the happiest he can afford to be.

"Why do not you make love to me and show how much you missed me these few weeks?" She says quietly looking into his eyes.

The file falls on the carpet with a muffled noise and Valery takes the glasses off her face gently with both hands as she straddles him.

They kiss for a ridiculously long period of time. Fingers drawing and twisting long paths across each other's skin, leaving goosebumps with the most delicate touchs. The solidity and softness of her against him is gratifying and Valery surrenders to the sensation. 

His fingers lingered to unbutton the top of his pajamas she wears, and his lips followed the slow work of his fingers, down her neck slowly into open, hot, moist kisses that made her sigh. Ulana has her hand full of his hair, controlling his movements subtly, while the other slides under his shirt to press against his shoulder blade.

He touches her breasts, holding the two together to be able to change kisses and licks that make her sigh. Ulana moves her hips against his erection provocatively, making him moan. Forcefully, he urges them to change their position and lay her on the bed, being careful not to knock one foot against the bedside table and that make a mess with the covers. 

Valery presses himself against her leg, seeking friction as his mouth alternates between her nipples. Ulana's skin is hot under his touch and the more his mouth goes down, the hotter it becomes.

His fingers hook into her pajama bottoms and pull them down, bringing the panties along. He deliberately takes time to slip the fabric along her legs and watches as she gasps in anticipation. Valery kisses her right ankle, then the left, slide his hands over her calf slowly and kisses the inside of her knees. His hands are firm on her thighs and he lingers further, nibbling the inside of the apex of her thighs. So close and yet, for her, so far.

Ulana shakes as his fingers graze her entrance and he smiles against her skin, feeling her patience grow thinner as he teases her. She tries to guide his head with her hand in the direction she wants, but he holds it and kisses her palm.

Valery is indulgent and hisr lips meet her nub. He sucks on it longingly as his fingers slide down her damp, shiny skin.

"I missed this so much ..." Ulana whispers almost inaudibly, more to herself than to him. That's all the encouragement he needs to simply give her everything she wants.

He sticks his fingers inside of her and moves them in and out in a steady and growing rhythm without taking his mouth off her until her muscles contract and he has to force his left hand on her leg to keep her place.

Ulana moans loudly and moves her hips towards him in search of more, as the orgasm hits her in waves and he sees as she rolls her eyes with her teeth pressed to her lower lip. His fingers and mouth guide her to the end of the orgasm and he only stops when she quiets down and her trembling hand touches his on her leg.

Valery scales her and feels the heat emanating from her body and he notices that this is the most beautiful version of her. Relaxed, flushed, disheveled, panting, eyes brightening and with a loose smile on her lips. He kisses her on the lips, caressing her hair with one hand as he lies down between her legs. His cock grazes her entrance, throbbing and thirsty for the hot humidity, but he is patient and waits for her to catch her breath.

"There are nights I almost could taste you in my mouth." He confesses in whispers against her lips.

Ulana tilts her head to the side smiling. "Now you do. Is it how you remembered?" 

"No, it's much better."

He does not understand why he likes so much that she touches his face. It's as if he feels like Sasha gaining a fondness and always, invariably, he leans toward her touch. Ulana guides his face back to her lips as her legs intertwine with his and Valery understands the sign. Slowly he slides into her, moaning in her mouth. No sensation compares that, it's like home, literally.

His movements are slow, deep and rhythmic, pulling out sighs from Ulana and himself with each new thrust. She pulls him close to her and his weight falls on her, sinking her into the mattress. The feel of their bodies rubbing against each other in that way is exciting and his cock gets even harder.

Valery breathes next to her ear. 

"I touched myself so many times breathing into your pillow..." He confesses in a hoarse, panting voice. 

"Did you?" Her lips rub against his cheek.

"I did." He pressed his hips against hers, going a little deeper and pulling out a louder moan from hers. "I've been behaving like damn horny teen since you left."

Ulana's nails claw in his back and he feels her muscles contract against his cock, which vibrates dangerously inside her. Almost. He keeps up, despite the heat from the effort and the urge to bury himself in it again and again until he reaches total oblivion.

"I did it too, wearing your pajamas." Her voice is choked with sighs, her breath puffing and his as well.

Ulana is even warmer beneath him, her hands holding him tightly and she moves her hips into his.

The image of her touching herself wearing his clothes is too exciting and he loses his slow pace, sinking deep into her and with a little more force than before. They lose coherence and instinct takes control of both. Valery rests one hand on the bed to slightly change the angle of the his thrusts and old her hip with his other hand.

That’s it. Her muscles tighten and she moans loudly as a new orgasm hits her. He thrusts in her one more time, and the way her muscles tighten his cock is enough to make him lose control. His vision loses focus and total oblivion hits him. The world is limited to them and that sense of pleasure washing their bodies.

He comer hard with a hoarse moan as his muscles spasms and collapses over her soon after.

It takes a while for his breath to settle, and when he comes out of her, he brings her with him so she can nest next to him and lay her head on his shoulder. Valery plants a soft kiss on her forehead and hugs her, satisfied and happy, utterly happy.

"Do you want me to leave you a piece of clothing this time?" She mocks laughing.

“I won’t complain if you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

For Ulana the only really hard thing to leave behind was work. The apartment didn't matter, neither her things, and honestly, nor even her co-workers. Well, to be completely fair she would miss Dimitri, but he, up to a year, had been the only one who knew her in the least. Dimitri was her friend.

Valery, on the other hand, was suffering from the imminent departure. She noticed him looking at his things sadly, and when he finally realized that he would have to find a new home for Sasha, his gaze was pure desolation. About Boris he didn't even talk. 

They organized the few belongings they would carry with them, their diplomas, family photo albums and few jewels from their mothers, personal documents, reports they had gathered over the months, the testimonials Ulana picked up at the hospital, and their best clothes. 

Valery had recorded his testimony on five tapes and made copies to be sent to their colleagues at the institutes. One of these would also be sent to the Commission in Vienna and preparations for the dispatch had been made. The bags were packed in the corner of the bedroom, and there was nothing else to be done but wait.

Their last day in Moscow was melancholy for Valery, and Ulana only accompanied him through the endless hours as he performed his own rituals by saying goodbye to Sasha and Shcherbina. There were not many words for either of them. With the cat Valery played for a while on the couch as Ulana fwas getting ready. Sasha looked at him from the bottom step of Boris's stair as they left, and Ulana had the impression that the animal understood that this was a definite farewell.

With Boris Valery exchanging a few words over coffee, they both seemed resigned to the situation, but not entirely satisfied. In another situation Ulana would have to deal with Yulia for the next few years, but in that one, they would never see each other again, just like the two men in front of her.

They exchanged a tight hug by the door and when they let go Shcherbina looked at her seriously.

"You better take care of him." He said in his usual commanding tone. She smiled briefly.

"Take care, Comrade."

\---

She figured the flight would be tense, but no, not for her, nor for him. They remained calm all the way to Vienna, talking about amenities and making plans for the next night that would never happen. 

Freeing themselves from their shadows was no problem either. Boris was right, they’d suddenly get busy and vanished into their bathrooms. 

At dawn Valery and Ulana were on their way to Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport. Everything had taken on a translucent, almost unreal outline, like a dream. And then she understood that they were both back in the bubble, now to stay in it indefinitely, surrounded by the security and comfort that only each other's company could provide.

"I wish we had the time to see the city," He said absently as they waited for their departure to New York. 

“And eat croissants?” Ulana looks at him with a smile on her lips and he nods, his gaze lost as he focuses on imagining.

“And see the Eiffel Tower.” 

“That's sound like a romantic picnic.” She points, and his hand squeezes hers gently, momentarily hiding Valery's mother's engagement ring, the ring he'd placed on her finger before she went to Minsk for the last time. 

A request and a promise made in silence in the darkness of his bedroom. 

“It could be. We could pretend it is our honeymoon. Wouldn't you like to visit the Louvre?” He asks, and looks at her out of the corner of his eye, tilting his head toward her. 

“Yes, and Monet's House and Garden, and Versailles. But these are tours that should be done on spring. ”

Ulana didn't have to think much about what she would like to do in the city or its surroundings. This was the trip of her dreams for a long time, and although she didn't share this detail with him, she was glad to be there, if only passing, with him. 

“Maybe we can come back next year. Have a proper honeymoon.” Valery still looks out of the corner of his eye. In those eyes sparkles those three words that they still avoid speak too often. She leans toward him, rubbing her nose against his cheek, allowing the feeling of warmth and hope to grow in her chest. 

"Maybe we can."

\---

**_August 21, 1987_ **

Boris had been right about a number of things, especially when he said their knowledge, while endangering them in the Soviet Union, was of value for the Americans, and it was not long before Ulana got a job at Indian Point Energy Center as a nuclear physicist. 

That was where she was striding back through the streets of Manhattan in the still bright early evening sun. The weird, crowded streets that at first might seem complicated had become her acquaintances. She was happy, even with the hot air moving her hair and making her sweat, even with her dress clinging to her body, even though she still suffered a little from the heat. 

She turned left at the corner, entered the building, and called the elevator.

Settling there had been so much easier than she'd ever imagined it would be. Thinking back anyone would have been frightened in their position or at least fearful, but she and Valery had nothing to lose. Boris's contacts had fulfilled their agreement with him. They were received, listened to, and had their request answered, a few days after arriving in the US she and Valery denounced the USSR at the UN.

The news spread worldwide and it was not long before repairs began to be made on all reactors throughout the Soviet Union. The climate of distrust in the system of government and in the party increased exponentially and gradually the system was ruining. 

Gorbachev made a statement apologizing to the neighboring nations, trying to alleviate the situation, but that only confirmed Legasov’s denounce. The widespread distrust and irony of the situation was something Urana cherished inside, and they both tried to imagine how Boris had reacted.  
A week later they received official correspondence with an informal apology from Gorbachev himself. Going back wasn't an option, but that small gesture allowed Valery to call Boris every week to catch up on each other's situation like two old friends. Chernobyl and politics were subjects never mentioned, but Boris teased Valery by asking what life was like for him as an housekeeper in the US, especially when Ulana started work.

In the end there was no shortage of job offers, but Valery wanted something quiet and most of all, to be able to go back to teaching, while she could go back to nuclear physics.

Looking back, the past few months had been easier and calmer than any of them could have imagined, and she was happy, happier than ever before, even with the small difficulties, even with adapting to a new country and a new lifestyle.

“I'm home!” Ulana says as she enters the small apartment.

She always invariably smiled when she returned home. Not exactly for the apartment itself, though it was something far beyond what they had imagined would be their first home there, but for Valery.

“Coming!” He says loudly from another room, maybe from the bedroom.

Ulana leaves her purse on the couch and goes to the kitchen for a glass of cold water. Just when she returns, feeling the warmth of her body soften a little that she notices the movie tickets on the coffee table above pieces of newspapers she has forgotten here and there around the apartment.

“You bought us movies tickets?” She still asks out loud as she roams the apartment looking for him.

“After all the articles you left around about it? Of course I did, the least I could do is take you to watch that Swayze guy.” The answer comes from their room.

“I don't remember talking about expand the family…” She says mockingly as she leans against the door jamb with her arms crossed in front of her body. 

In the bed, a gray cat looks back at her with complete disinterest with huge dark blue eyes. Valery is sitting on the edge of the bed, watching the animal recognize it. She knew it was inevitable, at some point the apartment would also be a feline's house, but she hoped to have a voice in it, or at least she imagined she would. 

"The cat needed a place to stay." Valery shrugs, but his air of innocence is not at all sincere, nor convincing. 

"Right. And it came here for shelter?” She quips with a smile.

"Maybe I went to the shelter to offer." He keeps faking it, and smiles as Ulana approaches him. It’s good to see him smiling, he'd been melancholy for the past few weeks. 

Going to the doctor was not something he cooperated very well with, but his health was stable and the prognosis was generally positive. 

“That sounds more realistic.” She leans toward him, her fingertips running through his hair and she kisses him softly on the lips. "You look happy." 

"I'm happy," he says and pulls her to sit on his lap. "The university called," he says cautiously, expecting her reaction, and his face shows relief when she smiles, squeezing his hand in her lap.

“I've told you they would call.” She brags and he nods.

“You were right. I start in two weeks.” Valery looks even happier at that moment and proud, so proud. She is proud, too, and she wonders how their new routine will be like going forward. No dinner waiting for her at home when she gets home from work, she was sure of that.

“Are you sure you really want to do this? Do you know that…” She asks cautiously, but before she can continue he cuts her off.

"Yes, I'm fine and if anything changes about it you'll be the first person to know, I swear."

But she knows him and doesn't believe him, not entirely. She knows he won't tell her about the slightest signs of discomfort, that he will omit tiredness, that he will work harder than he should, and that they will have a quiet fight about it at some point. Because that how they are. Two stubborn lunatics.

“So what's her name?” She asks, her right arm around his shoulders. The cat is set by their pillows, still looking at them not amused at all.

"It's a he, and I don't have a name yet."

“He?” Ulana is surprised. She was expecting a cat, like Sasha, but this cat was the complete opposite of the small, affectionate one who lived with him in Moscow.

"He was the cat for the longest time in the shelter, and if not chosen this weekend he would be sacrificed." Valery lets out a hint of sadness.

Ulana caresses his shoulder with her fingertips. Saving a cat from an accurate and cruel fate could not be more appropriate, or more obvious. She made a mental note to ask him if he were the kind of boy who lived rescuing stray cats and taking care of them. Something told her he were.

He tilts his head toward her and buries his face in her hair, his arms around her, his hands joined at her hip.

She looks at the cat that couldn't seem more bored with his new owners. Noticing her gaze, the cat shifts his attention to his front paw and licks it absently.

"Boris."

“What?” He sounds obviously surprised and pulls his face away from her hair so that he can face her.

“The cat’s name. That look of boredom reminds me of him when we talked about the reactor. I wouldn’t be surprised if he falls asleep soon. And he has the same stance as someone in power that Shcherbina has and doesn't pay much attention to anything that doesn't interest him. His name is going to be Boris.”

Valery looks at her doubtfully, his right eyebrow arched. She can see in his eyes the way he questions various points in the image she traced of Shcherbina, but finally he smiles when she starts laughing and pulls him close. He does not resist, he never resists. "Let it be Boris then." 

He doesn't lean into to her again, instead leans back, giving a little more space between them and just stares at her for long seconds, his hands still clasped over her hip. 

"What?" She asks quietly.

"Are you happy, Ulana?" There it is. "Even with all my problems ..." He always sounds insecure when he asks these questions, his face suddenly tired.

"Yes, I'm happy." She interrupts him, and with her hands she brings his face close to hers so that they can face each other closely. “You make me happy.” And she means that. There is no one or anywhere else with whom and where she wants to be than there, with him, in their room, with a grumpy cat, on a summer friday night.

He kisses her, hungry and wild, taking her breath away and pressing her against him. He does this a lot, as if trying to compensate for other things and she doesn't question him, on the contrary, she smiles and indulges him. She accepts his love and his need to self-affirm that feeling and her satisfaction.

“How lucky are you feeling today?” Ulana asks against his lips, her hands caressing his neck. 

"Talking about that ..." He starts thoughtfully, and she looks at his lips with attention and a little expectation, not exactly for her but for him. It's been a while and this has been affecting Valery's mood negatively. “I was wondering early how we could celebrate the news and got some pretty positive evidence in that department.”

"Why don't you tell me what you've been imagining?" She smiles mischievously and his hands hold her a little tighter against his

By the look on his face she already knows what he is going to say and is not surprised when he whispers against her ear. "I think I better show you," He says, reaching for the hem of her dress. 

He walks with his chest glued against her back to the bathroom, his hands concentrated on opening the buttons on her dress and his mouth on her neck. Ulana couldn't be happier with him no matter what. And Valery was right, he was lucky tonight, and he would still be lucky in the early hours of the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s it! I can’t believe I finished this story.  
> I really loved to write it and had a lot of fun in the process.  
> Thank you for every and each one of you who read it, left kudos or comments. I hope this was nice enough and I’m not sorry about the all the fluffly in this last chapter, they needed it, and I needed it and maybe you, dear reader, needed it as well.  
> About Valery’s health, well, one of the many side effects men had after Chernobyl was erectile dysfunction so that’s one of the things he’s going thru. He was there too long and of course he would have health problems, but don’t worry, they are happy and they staid like that for a real long time.  
> Oh, and yes, they went to Paris on the Spring of 88.


End file.
